Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
