I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
