What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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