Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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