meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
