I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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