yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize