It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
