I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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