I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
