Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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