tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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