The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
