I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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