You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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