my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
