either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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