he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
