I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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