He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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