OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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