peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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