By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
