I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
