worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am one with the molecules
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All the doctor said was why
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
