I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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