I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
