my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
