Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
