even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
