Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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