It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
