ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
