How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
