Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
