Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
