I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
