dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
