grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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