paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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