The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
