you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
