I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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