He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
