Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
