the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
