He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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