Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
