sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
