you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
