Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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