currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
