In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
