we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
