Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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