Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
